Current mood:

accomplished

Fic: Finding the Way Home (J/R, NC-17) Part One
Title: Finding the Way Home
Author: Sandy
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: John/Rodney
Rating: NC-17
Category: Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Word Count: ~18,300
Spoilers: Through 2x06 Trinity. AU after that.
Disclaimer: Alas they are not mine. I only make them have sex.
Written for 2007 undermistletoe challenge. Prompt: Favorite Soap Opera Cliffhangers or Tropes: Amnesia or Someone has an evil twin.
Summary: While on a mission with another team, Rodney is kidnapped by an old enemy leaving John in a desperate scramble to find him before it's too late.
A/N: Many, many thinks to girly_curl_3 for the awesome beta. Any remaining mistakes are my own.


Prologue

"Doctor McKay?"

Rodney scowled and hit the transmit button on his radio. "What?" he snapped impatiently, irritated at the interruption of his very important work.

"Lt. Cadman just checked in from M39 786. They're getting an odd power reading that Dr. Haglund can't explain."

"Odd power reading?" Rodney said with interest. "Let me speak to Haglund."

"Dr. McKay?" Dr. Marvin Haglund's tinny voice came over the radio. "I'm getting a reading that's very strange. I can't make any sense out of it."

Rodney frowned. "Define strange."

"I...I don't know, Rodney," Haglund said slowly. "I'm a botanist, not a physicist. I'm not even sure I'm reading this right, but it's outside the parameter you set."

Rodney sighed. From the time the Atlantis Expedition had started making regular off-world forays, Rodney had insisted that all teams do regular sweeps for energy readings. Anything that read outside of a specific parameter was to be reported back to Atlantis as soon as possible. Whatever Haglund had come across was probably nothing, but still it needed to be checked out. No stone unturned and all that. "Fine," he said. "Just stay put." Changing frequencies, he said, "Elizabeth?

"Yes, Rodney."

"Haglund and Cadman just checked in. Haglund is getting a power reading he can't explain. I need to join them and check it out."

Rodney gritted his teeth at her hesitation. Yes, he'd fucked up; he was more than aware of that. He was also well aware that neither Elizabeth nor Sheppard trusted his judgment anymore, and he regretted that more than he did blowing up that solar system. It hurt that he'd lost Sheppard's trust, but even worse, he feared he might never regain Sheppard's friendship. He was aware that the Colonel had gone to the mainland with Teyla and Ronon, and he was acutely aware that he hadn't been asked to join them.

But despite their shaky faith in him right now, the fact was that he remained the chief science advisor for Atlantis and it was his duty to check out any suspicious energy readings. He was not going to take the chance that they would miss finding something important because Elizabeth and Sheppard were having trust issues.

"I promise, Elizabeth," he said with just a trace of sarcasm in his voice, "that if it turns out to be an Ancient energy weapon, I won't activate it."

Elizabeth's voice was cool when she answered, "I hope not, Rodney."

Rodney flinched a bit, but asked, "So, do I have your authorization to go check out the energy reading, or would you prefer I send someone else?"

"Go ahead and join the team, Rodney," Elizabeth said, her voice still cool and distant. "If it does turn out to be something we can use, please check back with me before you do anything."

Rodney closed his eyes, his mouth going tight. "Of course," he said with a hint of defeat in his voice. Changing frequencies again he said, "Cadman?"

"Go ahead, McKay."

"I'm joining you. I'll be there in approximately fifteen minutes."

"We'll look forward to it," Cadman replied with a smirk in her voice. Rodney clicked off his headset and began to gather his things.

~~*~~

Rodney walked through the event horizon into bright, hot sunshine to find Lt. Cadman, Dr. Haglund, and two other Marines waiting for him. Stepping away from the gate, Rodney pulled out his scanner and immediately began to take a reading. Nothing particularly interesting showed and he glared at Haglund.

"I thought you said there was an interesting energy reading?"

"I didn't pick it up until we were well into the forest," Haglund said pointing to a copse of trees some distance away.

Rodney sighed. "Of course there's a hike involved," he groused. Waving his hand, he ordered, "All right, lead the way."

Cadman grinned at him. "Come on, McKay," she teased. "The hike will do you good. Put some color into your cheeks."

"My cheeks are fine just the way they are," Rodney snapped rising to the bait. "Can we just go and get this over with? I'm in the middle of an important experiment I've had to put on hold."

Cadman smirked at him again and took point to lead the way across the rocky terrain. The hike seemed interminable, and Rodney grumbled about the heat, dust, and uneven footing the entire way. They reached the woods about forty-five minutes later, and Rodney stepped with relief into the cool shade. Stopping for a breather, he took out his canteen and drank deeply. For a change, Cadman kept her mouth shut, merely smiling indulgently while she waited for Rodney to be ready to go on. When he finished drinking, he turned on his scanner again. This time, he picked up a faint energy reading coming from the northwest. Without saying a word, he headed that way.

The further into the woods they went, the more inconsistent the readings became. Rodney frowned and made a few adjustments on his scanner, but the fluctuations continued.

"I see why you couldn't make any sense out of these readings, Haglund," Rodney mused as he poked at his scanner. "They don't make any sense."

"Wow, McKay," Cadman teased. "You actually admitting that you don't understand something?"

Rodney glared at the young Lieutenant. "Yes, Cadman, I am. When something doesn't make any sense, I admit to not understanding it. Interacting with you comes to mind."

Cadman just grinned at him annoyingly and Rodney turned away in irritation. He followed the energy readings through the thick tangle of trees until they came to a small clearing. He pushed his way past the final thicket of underbrush and then stopped in surprise.

"What the..." A small device sat on tree stump, and it was obvious that this was the source of the energy reading.

"What is that thing?" Cadman asked coming up to stand next to him.

"I don't know," Rodney said, approaching the device cautiously. "And, no," he continued before she had the chance to ask, "I don't know what it's doing there."

"It's there because we put it there, Dr. McKay," a familiar voice said from behind them. Rodney felt a chill run down his spine as he spun around to face the speaker.

"Kolya," he hissed.


~~~~~*~~~~~


John settled the jumper into the hanger bay and smiled at Teyla as she rose from the seat beside him. After making sure all the systems were properly shut down, he rose to follow as she and Ronon disembarked. He was tired and in need of a shower, but he felt more relaxed than he had in quite a while. He and his two teammates had spent the best part of the day on the mainland visiting with the Athosians. John had gotten into a rousing game of touch football with Jinto and the other Athosian children, and then the three of them had shared a meal with Halling and Teyla's friend, Charin.

As he began to pass through the back of the jumper, he stopped and frowned at the small basket that sat there. Every time they came to the mainland, Rodney drooled over the small, sweet cakes, much to Charin's delight, so when they were saying their goodbyes, Charin had pressed the basket on him with strict orders to deliver it to Dr. McKay. John had handed the basket to Teyla with the assumption she would take it to McKay, but apparently Teyla had decided to leave it for him to deliver. He was half tempted to just pretend he hadn't noticed the cloth-covered basket. Things had been tense between them since the disaster at Doranda, and John wasn't quite ready to forgive Rodney yet, regardless of how contrite Rodney was acting or how much John missed hanging out with him. Delivering a basketful of goodies would probably give McKay the wrong impression, and John would just as soon avoid seeing the hopeful look on Rodney's face.

Still, just leaving the cakes here would most likely be seen by Teyla as an insult to her friend and lead to reproachful looks and an ass-beating at bantos practice. Heaving a great sigh, John picked up the basket and walked out of the jumper. He'd find someone else to take the basket to McKay. Smiling to himself at his compromise, he ambled out of the jumper bay.

His sense of well-being lasted only as long as the time it took him to walk into the control room. Major Lorne and his men were geared up and standing in front of the stargate, and John immediately realized that something was wrong. He spotted Elizabeth standing at the railing overlooking the main floor and hurried up to her.

"What's wrong?" he asked when he reached her side.

"Lt. Cadman's team is several hours overdue. I'm sending Major Lorne's team out to try and locate them."

John frowned recalling that Cadman had accompanied one of the botanists on a routine botanical exploration of an uninhabited planet they were hoping to add to the list of possible alpha sites. He nodded and turned to watch the men preparing to enter the stargate once it was dialed up.

"John," Elizabeth said hesitantly. "You should know that Rodney is with Lt. Cadman's team."

"What?" John said turning back to stare at her in surprise. "He wasn't scheduled to go with them."

"They called in about fifteen minutes after you'd left for the mainland," Elizabeth told him solemnly. "Dr. Haglund had picked up a strange energy reading, and Rodney went to join them to check it out."

John felt his blood run cold. He was pretty sure that Rodney wouldn't pull anything like what had happened on Doranda if they found something dangerous, but he knew how much Rodney felt the need to prove himself again.

John shoved the basket into Elizabeth's hands. "Hold off on dialing the gate," he said already walking away. "I'm getting my team." He didn't wait for her acknowledgement.

~~*~~

The world they stepped into was warm with a cloudless sky now darkening as the sun began its descent into night. The area immediately surrounding the stargate was a rocky, flat valley surrounded by rolling green hills some miles in the distance. A largish forest was spread out a few miles ahead.

John checked his scanner as soon as he'd cleared the gate area. Turning in a complete circle, he realized that the only readings he was getting came from his group.

"Not getting anything here, Lorne. You?"

Major Lorne looked up from his own scanner and shook his head. "Just us. Maybe we should move a bit farther away, see if we pick up anything then."

"There are tracks into the woods," Ronon said looking up from where he'd been studying the ground.

"Lead the way," John said trusting Ronon to guide them to their missing personnel.

Now that they'd been pointed out to him, John could easily follow the tracks that led to the forest, but once they were inside the thick growth, it became harder. The darkness of the coming night was even deeper here, making the trail invisible to John's eyes. Ronon, however, continued tracking effortlessly. John checked his scanner regularly but there was still no signs of any energy signatures.

"I'm still not picking anything up on the scanner, Colonel," Lorne said echoing John's thoughts. "You sure Ronan is leading us the right way?"

"If I'm ever lost, Major," John said flatly, "I'd trust Ronon to find me."

Lorne nodded and returned to studying his scanner.

They continued into the woods with Ronon stopping occasionally to study the ground. John kept a close eye on his own scanner practically willing it to show something other than his own group. Finally one lone blip appeared on the screen.

"I've got one signal, Colonel," Lorne said excitedly at the same time.

"Me, too, Major," John acknowledged, his heart pounding in his chest.

The darkness was almost complete by the time Ronon led them to a small clearing deep inside the woods. John felt his stomach clench as his flashlight skimmed over several downed bodies. There were four of them: Cadman, two Marines, and a man in a science uniform too tall and thin to be Rodney. Of Rodney himself there was no sign.

"Jennings is dead, sir," one of Lorne's men said, feeling for a pulse on one of the fallen Marines.

"So's Delacroix," came the report on the second downed Marine.

Lorne was kneeling beside Cadman, and Teyla was checking for life signs on the scientist. She looked up at John and shook her head, her eyes filled with sorrow and worry.

"Cadman's still alive," Lorne said sharply, gently rolling the young Lieutenant over onto her back and opening her vest. John hurried over and knelt beside her, feeling the weak pulse in her neck for himself. Glancing up, he looked at Ronon and said, "Get back to the gate and have them send a jumper and medical team." John had barely finished speaking before Ronon was gone, instantly disappearing into the thick woods.

Turning his attention to the remaining men, he ordered, "Search for McKay. If he was only wounded, he may have tried to make his way out of the woods and gotten lost."

The men nodded and spread out, bright lights arcing through the thick foliage. Teyla knelt beside Lorne assisting in pressing bandages to the gunshot wound in Cadman's chest. It was bad. Blood spread in a wide pool underneath her, and John wasn't sure just how she had managed to stay alive. He could only hope that she stayed that way until they found out what had happened in this clearing, and what had happened to Rodney.

~~~*~~~

The search for Rodney proved fruitless. There were no other life signs, and the darkness in the thick woods made the search for a body nearly impossible. Reluctantly, John called his men back to the clearing. He wouldn't believe that Rodney was dead until he saw a body, but that was going to have to wait until it was light again. He felt Teyla's sympathetic eyes on him, but he kept his face turned away from her.

After what seemed an eternity, John finally saw the flash of lights and heard the sounds of people moving through the woods headed in their direction. He directed his team to spread out and take up defensive positions just in case it wasn't their own people. John heaved a sigh of relief when Ronon enter the clearing followed closely by a pinched-faced, sweating Carson Beckett and another contingent of Marines.

"Oh, dear God," Carson breathed as he looked around at the carnage. They'd lined up the three dead men in preparation for transport back to Atlantis, and had done the best they could with their limited field dressings to care for the injured Lieutenant. She hadn't yet regained consciousness, and her breathing remained shallow, her pulse weak.

Carson dropped to his knees beside her and whispered, "Oh, Laura, love," and then, as if drawing his professionalism around him like a cloak, he began to snap orders to his staff, taking pulse and blood pressure and ordering IVs started.

John stood back and watched as the medical team worked feverishly to stabilize Cadman for the trip back to Atlantis. He was aware that Lorne and the others were sealing the dead up in the body bags Carson's team had brought with him and were removing them from the clearing.

Finally Carson nodded, and they carefully placed Cadman onto a stretcher. There were two jumpers awaiting them at the forest's edge, one to carry the dead while Cadman and the medical team used the second. When they arrived back in Atlantis, Carson oversaw the placing of his patient onto a gurney. As he started to follow, John stopped him with a touch on the arm.

"Radio me as soon as she regains consciousness."

Carson drew himself up disapprovingly. "I doubt she'll regain consciousness anytime soon, Colonel, if at all. But if she does, she'll not be in any shape to be interrogated."

John leaned closer and said implacably, "She's the only one that knows what happened out there, Doctor, and in case you overlooked it, Rodney's missing. You will radio me as soon as she regains consciousness."

Carson held eye contact with John for several seconds, but at last he sighed and nodded his head. Without a word, he left the puddle jumper to hurry after the rapidly retreating gurney.

Teyla and Ronon were waiting for John when he exited the jumper and silently followed him to the control room. Elizabeth stood white-faced outside her office and ushered them in. When she was seated at her desk, she asked, "What happened out there, John?"

John remained standing, his eyes focusing on a spot over Elizabeth's right shoulder. "Haglund, Delacroix, and Jennings are dead. Cadman is badly wounded, and Carson doesn't know if she'll make it. They were shot, but we didn't see any signs indicating who did it. Rodney's missing. It's possible he's..." John clenched his jaw and then continued. "It's possible he's dead, but we couldn't find a body; it was too dark in the woods for a thorough search. We're going back as soon as it's light enough to continue looking."

Elizabeth rested her elbows on her desk, and lowered her head onto her clasped hands.

"Elizabeth," Teyla said worriedly taking a step forward.

Elizabeth raised her head. "I'm fine, Teyla," she said straightening back up. Looking at John she asked, "Is it possible he's been taken prisoner by whoever attacked the team?"

"That's what I'm hoping. I need to speak to Cadman as soon as possible. We need to know who did this."

"All right," Elizabeth said, "I'll ask Carson to let us know as soon as Lt. Cadman is awake and strong enough be questioned."

"I already have," John told her, leaving out the part where he'd ordered Carson to radio him regardless of Cadman's condition. It may make him a bad commander, but Rodney's life could be at stake.

"Good. In the meantime, I want you all to get some rest. I have a feeling that it's going to be a long time before any of us gets much rest again."

John nodded and turned to follow his teammates out of the office. Just as he was about to step through the door, Elizabeth called out, "John."

John halted and turned his head slightly but didn't turn around.

"You'll find him, John."

"I know I will, Elizabeth," he said. "I just don't know whether I'll find him alive or dead." In the ensuing silence, he walked away.

~~~*~~~

The next morning, John took several teams through the gate and back to the woods to conduct a thorough search of the forest. They spread out in a line, carefully checking under brush and behind rocks and trees while Ronon ranged out looking for signs of blood low on leaves or drag marks on the ground. They searched for hours, leaving no stone unturned for several miles around the clearing. At last in late afternoon, Ronon came up to John and said, "He's not here, Sheppard."

John nodded, a feeling of relief flooding through him. If Rodney had been captured, then there was hope that they could find and rescue him. Calling his men back to the clearing, he led his hot, weary troops back to the puddle jumper and flew them home.

The three teammates met once again with Elizabeth in her office.

"I want to send Zelenka back to pull the data from the DHD," John said as soon as they'd all sat down. "I know it'll be a long shot at best, but right now it's all we've got to work with."

Elizabeth nodded and radioed Zelenka. When she was finished, she looked back at John. "How was this possible, John? How did someone know we were sending a team to that planet? This looks too organized to have been a random attack."

"Sounds like you have a spy," Ronon said. All eyes turned to him. He shrugged. "I just thought I'd bring it up before anyone else did because the obvious candidate here is me."

"No one thinks you're a spy," John assured him.

"Maybe not yet, but they will. They don't know me."

"Well, I know you, so stop worrying," John said with a finality that ended the conversation.

"Still, Colonel, both Ronon and Dr. Weir have made good points," Teyla said. "If the reason for the attack was to capture Rodney, then somehow whoever took him knew both that we would be sending a team to that planet and that Rodney would come to check out any unusual energy readings, and that points to a spy."

John tiredly rubbed his face with his hands. It made sense, and it compounded the problem of finding Rodney by a factor John didn't want to calculate.

"Okay, so first order of business is to try and follow up on the gate addresses that Zelenka comes up with. Second, we need to try and find out who the spy is." He turned to Teyla, reluctant to say the next words, but knowing they needed to be spoken.

"I know you vouch for all your people, Teyla, but is it possible one of them sold us out?"

Teyla shook her head, though she looked worried. "I cannot believe that any of my people would do such a thing. And besides, they are not privy to the gate teams' schedules."

"Damn, you're right. Okay, so that narrows it down to the people who do have access to our schedules. I'll have Lorne look into that, and meanwhile, Teyla, I'd like you to get Halling and the other Athosians who travel regularly through the gate to put out feelers off-world and try to see if we can glean any information about Rodney's whereabouts."

Teyla nodded. Elizabeth had just opened her mouth to add something when Carson's voice came over John's radio.

"Colonel Sheppard," came the tense sounding voice. "You wished to be apprised when Lt. Cadman was awake. She just woke up."

John was up and out of the office before Carson had finished speaking.

When he reached the infirmary, Carson stepped in front of him, blocking his access to the Lieutenant's bed.

"She's very weak, Colonel, and I'd rather you waited until she was stronger before questioning her."

"We've been through this, Doctor. She has vital information I need. Rodney's life may depend on what she knows."

"And what about her life, Colonel? If she has a relapse because of this..." Carson said.

"She's tougher than you're giving her credit for, Carson," John said, trying to placate the worried doctor. "Don't forget, she's a Marine."

"And don't you forget that she's hanging on by a thread," Carson said, but he stepped aside and allowed John to pass.

John walked up to Cadman's bedside and looked down at the pale-faced woman. She was hooked up to monitors and IVs and looked every bit as bad as Carson said. John hated himself just a little as he called softly, "Lieutenant Cadman."

Her eyelids fluttered opened and she looked up at him with pain-filled eyes. "Colonel," she said weakly.

"Glad to see you awake, Lieutenant," John said with a forced smile.

"Yes, sir," she said in a whisper. "Sir, my team. Are they all right?"

John sidestepped the question about her team. "Do you know who attacked you?"

Cadman blinked and then her eyes opened a bit more widely. "It was Kolya," came the chilling reply.

John cursed under his breath. "Did you hear where they were taking Rodney?"

"Rodney's gone?" she asked. At John's quick nod, she said, "No, sir, I'm sorry. I don't remember him saying much of anything before they opened fire. I'm sorry, sir."

John gently patted her shoulder. "Don't be, Lieutenant. You did good. Now get some sleep."

"Yes, sir," she answered even as her eyes closed and her breathing deepened.

John turned away from the bed, a white-hot rage burning in his gut.

~~~*~~~

John stood behind Elizabeth as she faced the screen waiting to speak to the leader of the Genii. John had wanted to take his men and perform a raid on the Genii settlement, find Rodney, and bring him home. Elizabeth had forcefully denied John's request, instead wanting to attempt a diplomatic solution first. John thought it was just going to tip their hand that they knew the Genii had Rodney. His protests had fallen on deaf ears, however. Now he stared with barely concealed hatred as Cowen's smug face filled the screen.

"I must say, Dr. Weir, I'm surprised to hear from you," Cowen said.

"I'll get right to the point," Elizabeth said. "We know that Commander Kolya has kidnapped Dr. McKay. We want him returned to us immediately."

Cowen looked genuinely surprised. "I assure you, Dr. Weir, I have no knowledge of Kolya's activities. I'm afraid that he and several of his men left the Genii homeworld some time ago. We've lost all contact with him."

"You expect us to believe he's acting on his own?" John said, unable to keep silent any longer. Elizabeth gave him a withering glare, and he reluctantly stepped back again.

"You can believe it or not," Cowen said with an air of disinterest. "Quite frankly we have no need of Dr. McKay since our nuclear program is coming along quite well now. I think we've gotten everything we need from you and Dr. McKay already."

"Very well," Elizabeth said, apparently conceding that Cowen didn't have McKay. "Perhaps you can check with your people in case any of them know of Kolya's whereabouts."

"I assure you, Dr. Weir," Cowen said. "No one here would know where he is. He left in disgrace, stripped of his rank and place in our society."

"If you would just ask-" Elizabeth started again.

"As I said, it would do no good. I wish you luck in finding your missing man. Goodbye, Dr. Weir." And just like that, the transmission was terminated.

"That son of a bitch," John growled. "He's lying."

"Perhaps about some things," Elizabeth said with a sigh as she headed for her office. "But I believe he's telling the truth about not knowing where Kolya and Rodney are."

"You can't seriously think-" John began heatedly, following her inside her office.

"I do," Elizabeth said sitting down behind her desk. "He seemed genuinely surprised when I told him Kolya had taken Rodney."

John sat down and stared into the far distance, lost in frustration and feeling helpless. It had enraged him when he'd thought that Rodney had been taken by the Genii, but now he felt sick knowing that Rodney was in the hands of that ruthless bastard Kolya without even the dubious protection of Cowen.

He brought his attention back to Elizabeth. "So we're back to square one. Has Zelenka made any progress with the DHD information?"

"He's extracted about fifty of the last dialed gate addresses. The problem is there's no way to tell in what order they were dialed."

"So we search each planet."

Elizabeth hesitated. "John, you realize that in all probability Kolya traveled through several gates before he reached his final destination. We may never find Rodney unless Kolya contacts us."

John stood up angrily. "So we're supposed to do what? Wait around with our thumbs up our-"

"John!" Elizabeth said sharply. John brought himself back under control. When he had seated himself again, she continued. "We're going to follow our original plan. The Athosians are already making inquiries among their trading partners, and we will check out the gate addresses Dr. Zelenka extracted. I just want you, all of us, to realize that no matter what we do, we may not be successful. It's a big galaxy out there."

"Yeah," John said quietly. Drawing in a breath, he stood again. "I'll get the first list of addresses from Zelenka and get the teams started on checking them out."

Elizabeth nodded. "Keep me informed."

~~~*~~~

The days that followed were long and frustrating for John. They followed up every lead, checked out every gate address that Zelenka gave them, and yet there was still no word, no hint of Rodney's whereabouts. And with each day that passed, John's fear for Rodney's safety increased.

In addition, Lorne's search for the spy was proving equally fruitless. There were no leads at all, and John was beginning to wonder if they would ever uncover the means by which Kolya had learned of the mission and the fact that Rodney checked out reports of unusual energy readings personally.

By the time Rodney had been missing a week, John was exhausted. He had gone to bed the night before so bone-weary he could hardly move, but had found it nearly impossible to sleep. Every time he drifted off, he saw Rodney's fear-filled face in his dreams, heard Rodney calling his name, begging him to come rescue him. Perhaps even worse than the dreams was the guilt John felt knowing that he'd been off playing with the Athosian children while Cadman's team was being massacred and Rodney kidnapped by a cold-blooded madman.

John was also finally admitting to himself just how much Rodney had come to mean to him, and he bitterly regretted their estrangement after Doranda. John had had lots of friends throughout his life, buddies he'd hung out with, but he'd never met anyone like Rodney. McKay seemed to have more than his fair share of irritating personality traits, but he'd proved time and again to be not only brilliant but brave and selfless when it counted. He was also surprisingly fun to be around, and John had discovered he could be silly and playful with Rodney in a way he'd never been before. And if John was beginning to realize that his feelings for Rodney went beyond mere friendship, well, now wasn't the time to worry about that. Now his focus had to be on finding Rodney and bringing him safely home.

With a weary groan, he got out of bed and began preparing for another day of searching. Perhaps today their luck would change.

~~~*~~~

Late that afternoon, John and his team returned to Atlantis after yet another fruitless search of one of the gate addresses on their list. Elizabeth was waiting for them as they stepped into the gate room and called for John to join her. He handed off his P90 to Ronon, climbed the stairs, and followed Elizabeth into her office.

"I take it by your expression that you didn't have any luck?" Elizabeth said.

John shook his head. "None. If anyone came through that gate in the last decade, there's no sign of it. It's uninhabited, as far as we could tell. We checked around for a few miles just in case Kolya had covered his tracks, but it was useless."

Elizabeth nodded and was silent for a minute looking down at her clasped hands. Finally she raised her head and said, "John, it's been a week, and we're no closer now to finding Rodney then we were on the day he was taken."

"I know that, Elizabeth, but eventually-"

"That's just it, John," Elizabeth interrupted. "Eventually, we may discover something, or we may not. Meanwhile, all our resources are being taken up with this search."

John stiffened. "What are you saying, Elizabeth? That you want to call it off?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "Not call it off, but we need to scale it back." Holding up her hand to forestall John's protest, she said, "I'm sorry, John. I don't want to give up any more than you do, but the fact remains that the Wraith are still out there. With all our teams concentrating on finding Rodney, we've been unable to continue our search for technology with which to fight the Wraith. While I want and expect the teams to continue making inquiries, we need to get them back to their regular off-world explorations."

"And to hell with Rodney?" John said angrily.

"No! Didn't you listen to me? We'll continue our inquiries and follow up with whatever leads we get, but we cannot continue concentrating all our resources on the hunt for Rodney. The search for new technology is our best hope for defeating the Wraith."

"Our best hope for defeating the Wraith is Rodney's brain and you know it, Elizabeth." John insisted.

"Even when he puts his own ambition first?" Elizabeth asked with a chill in her voice.

John stared at her in shock. "My god. You're willing to abandon him because of Doranda?"

"Dammit, John, I'm not abandoning him!" Elizabeth said sharply.

"Sounds to me like that's exactly what you're doing," John answered heatedly, standing up and looming over her desk.

Elizabeth stiffened in her chair, but didn't back down. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Colonel Sheppard, but that's my decision and the SGC agrees with me. You and your team may continue the search for now; however, you're to order the rest of the gate teams to resume their regular missions."

John could only stare at Elizabeth. While there had been times since coming to Atlantis when he'd disagreed with her orders, never had he lost respect for her. Until now. This abandonment of Rodney left him disillusioned and angry with the expedition leader. It appeared she was turning out to be no better than his commander in Afghanistan.

John took a step forward preparing to tell her just that when the warning klaxon sounded from the control room.

"Unscheduled off-world activation," the gate technician announced as the dialing sequence began. Abandoning their argument for the moment, Elizabeth and John hurried from her office and stood at the railing that overlooked the gate room.

"It's Derron's IDC," Chuck said, naming the leader of one of the Athosian trading groups.

"Lower the shield," Elizabeth ordered.

John stood stiffly next to Elizabeth and watched as the Athosians exited the wormhole one by one. As soon as he was through, Derron looked up and spotting John and Elizabeth, lifted his arm and said, "Colonel Sheppard, Doctor Weir, I have news!"

~~~*~~~

The hastily gathered group sat around the conference room table. As soon as Derron had made his announcement, John had radioed Teyla, Ronon, and Lorne to come immediately to the control room. Now all eyes were turned to the obviously nervous Athosian.

"Please, Derron," Teyla said gently to the young man. "Tell us your news."

Derron nodded and cleared his throat. "When we arrived on Intu, we made inquiries regarding Dr. McKay as we had been asked. No one appeared to know anything, but as we were preparing to leave to return here, we were approached by a young woman who wished to speak with me privately. She said she had news of the whereabouts of Dr. McKay, but she would give this information only to Colonel Sheppard, although she called him Major," Derron said with a quick glance at John. "She then gave me this address to give to you." He pulled out a folded piece of parchment-like paper from a pocket in his coat and handed it to Teyla who passed it on to John.

"She said she would meet you there tomorrow morning at first light. She said if you were late, she would be gone and would make no further effort to contact you as it was too dangerous for her."

John's hands shook slightly as he looked at the address, hoping that at last they had gotten the break they needed to locate and rescue Rodney.

"Thank you, Derron," John heard Teyla saying with genuine gratitude. "You have done us all a great service by bringing us this information."

John looked up in time to see a pleased flush spread over the young Athosian's face. "I am happy to have been of assistance," he said with a shy smile.

While Elizabeth made arrangements to have Derron and his team flown back to the mainland, John contacted Zelenka and gave him the address, asking that he check for information in the database regarding the planet. When he was finished, he saw that Derron was already gone and all eyes were on him.

He looked at Elizabeth as said, "I hope I have a go on this?"

She flushed slightly but said, "As I said, John, we'll follow up every lead we get. Just use caution. This may be a trap."

He nodded and looked at Lorne. "Which is exactly why we're going while it's still dark there, and Major Lorne and his team will accompany us in a cloaked jumper.

~~~*~~~

The sun was just making an appearance over the horizon when the stargate activated. John, Teyla, and Ronon came to attention, hands on weapons, preparing for whoever came through the gate. But when she appeared, John felt a shock of surprised recognition.

"Sora," Teyla breathed.

The young Genii woman stopped on the platform as the gate closed behind her, and stared with hatred at Teyla.

"Teyla Emmagan."

John stepped forward. "You have information about Dr. McKay?"

"I said I would speak with you only, Major Sheppard."

"Fine," John said, not bothering to correct her regarding his rank. "But I'm just going to tell them everything you tell me anyway."

She hesitated a moment and then nodded and stepped forward. "I know where Commander Kolya is keeping your Dr. McKay."

"Where?" John asked impatiently.

Sora handed John another piece of paper much like the one he had received the day before. "There is an old Genii fortress there, abandoned several generations ago. That is where he has taken Dr. McKay."

John looked at the address. "How sure are you this is where they're at?" he asked suspiciously.

Sora's chin rose. "I overheard some of Kolya's former soldiers talking. They are still loyal to him and are his eyes and ears within the community. I am very certain this information is accurate."

"How is Rodney, Sora? Do you know?" Teyla asked worriedly.

Sora looked as if she wasn't going to answer, but at last she said, "From what I overheard, Commander Kolya has not been... kind to him. You would do well to get there as quickly as possible."

"Oh, we will," John told her, barely holding his rage in check.

"Thank you for helping us," Teyla said putting out her hand to gently touch the young woman. Sora pulled her arm away as if she'd been burned.

"I'm not doing this for you, Teyla Emmagan," she spit out. "I still blame you for the death of my father." She turned to John. "You and your people returned me unharmed to my people when you could have had me killed. For this I owe you. But it is not only for that reason I am giving you this information. I cannot condone what Commander Kolya is doing. His actions both during the raid and now go against everything my father taught me the Genii stand for. I do this because my father would have expected nothing less of me."

Teyla nodded. "Regardless of your reason for helping us, I still thank you."

Sora grudgingly nodded an acknowledgment of Teyla's words. Once more turning to John, she said, "I must go before I am missed. My debt to your people is paid."

~~~*~~~

It was the darkest hour of the night when three cloaked jumpers landed silently about two hundred yards from the walls of the fortress. At one time, it had been a strong, keep-like structure that loomed over the surrounding valley, but now it looked as if the Wraith had destroyed most of the structure's outer defenses. It appeared to be uninhabited, but a scan from the jumper had shown about a dozen life signs gathered together within the stronghold.

John powered down the lights in the interior of the jumper and turned to Carson, barely making out his form in the stygian darkness. "Doc, you stay put until I radio it's okay to enter the fortress. I'm leaving Sergeant Chiplinski and Corporal Landers here to protect you and your nurses. You'll obey their orders. If things go south, you're to fly this ship home. Do you understand?"

Carson nodded. "Aye, Colonel."

John next turned to Ronon. "You ready?" he asked quietly. At an affirmative grunt from the former Runner, John lowered the hatch and watched the big man slip out and disappear into the night. He nodded to the two Marines he was leaving behind, and then he and Teyla made to follow.

He paused when he heard Carson say in a whisper, "Bring Rodney home, Colonel."

"I have every intention of doing that, Doc," John murmured back, and then he left the ship quickly closing the hatch behind him.

John and Teyla met up with Lorne, Captain Harris, and their teams, and settled down in the thick brush near the jumpers to wait for Ronon to return from his reconnaissance.

Waiting was always the hardest part of any mission, and it was especially hard for John knowing that he was only yards away from Rodney. Every nerve in his body thrummed with the need to go now, find Rodney, and bring him out of there. After what seemed liked hours but was less than thirty minutes, Ronon appeared out of the darkness and dropped down beside John.

"There's a door on the south side of the fortress. We can get inside from there," he said in a barely discernable voice.

"Any guards?" Lorne asked.

White teeth flashed briefly. "Not any more."

John nodded for Ronon to lead the way, and using hand signals, ordered his men forward. Furtively, they made their way to the postern and slipped silently inside. The room they entered was large and partially destroyed with large chunks of the ceiling littering the floor. As with the outside, there was little sign of human occupancy. Pulling out his life signs detector, John led his team across the debris-covered floor and to a door in the southeast corner of the room. Another check of his scanner showed no life signs near the door so he grabbed the doorknob and slowly turned it.

Moving as silently as possible, they made their way down the hall to another door. John carefully opened it to reveal a steep flight of stone stairs. With their backs against the wall and guns at the ready, the group cautiously made their way down the steps to a door at the bottom. A quick check once again showed no one near, so John pulled the heavy door open.

Here at last was evidence of habitation as they passed by crates and barrels of supplies. Doors lined either side of the hall, but the rooms were empty so they ignored them. They had almost made it into the area where the jumper scan had indicated occupation when an alarm suddenly began blaring. With a muttered curse, John charged forward. Rounding a corner, he was met with a barrage of gunfire, and barely ducked back in time to avoid getting hit. A quick glance around the corner revealed a large open room at the end of the hall filled with massive support pillars that offered perfect cover for Kolya's troops. They needed to get past the resistance and through that room to reach an area where a few life signs were separated from the main group, including one all by itself. John had a feeling that that was where he was going to find McKay.

John and his team forced their way forward, laying down cover fire long enough to duck into doorways and behind crates. The sound of gunfire was deafening as it echoed off the stone walls and the flash of light from Ronon's gun nearly blinding. John was running for the cover of a crate when he heard Teyla's warning cry. Dropping and rolling, he just missed getting hit by the bullet that smashed into the wall behind him.

Gaining his feet again and taking cover, he saw the one Genii he'd been hoping to find. Kolya was half hidden behind a large pillar and was firing at John's position. John ducked back again and hissed in pain as sharp shards of rock few out from the wall next to his head and cut into his cheek.

"Kolya!" John shouted. "I've come for McKay."

"You're too late, Sheppard," Kolya taunted. "He was weak. We burned his body several days ago."

"You're lying," John shouted back desperately hoping it was true. "I know where you have him."

"Perhaps you do," Kolya shouted again squeezing off a few more shots. "But you'll still be too late. I'll make certain he's dead by the time you get to him." Another fusillade of automatic gunfire had John ducking back out of the way, and when he looked again, Kolya was gone.

Yelling for his people to cover him, John ran after Kolya. He ducked and dodged as he made his way across the room, reloading and returning fire on the run as he made his way to a door at the far end of the room only to discover it was locked. A quick blast from his gun blew the lock apart, and he kicked the door open. He ran down the empty corridor and rounded a corner just in time to see Kolya swing open a door halfway down the hall and aim a gun into the room beyond. With a savage cry, John opened fire. The bullets slammed into Kolya's body flinging him back and away from the door and jerking him around in a macabre dance of death.

John moved forward cautiously and turned the body over with his booted toe when he reached it. Blood trickled from the corner of Kolya's mouth, and his eyes stared sightlessly at the ceiling. Sure it was now safe, John turned to look into the cell where a half-naked man lay unnaturally still on the bare stone floor.

With his heart pounding in fear, John hurried forward and dropped to his knees beside Rodney's battered body. With shaking hands he felt for a pulse, and closed his eyes briefly when he felt a weak but steady thrum under his fingertips. The sound of running footsteps behind him made him turn with gun aimed, but he quickly lowered his weapon when he spotted his teammates rush into the cell.

Ronon stayed at the doorway on guard while Teyla rushed forward and knelt beside Rodney. She, too, checked his pulse and then looked up at John with worried eyes. "We need to get Dr. Becket in here now, John," she said softly. John nodded and tapped his radio.

"Lorne!"

"Yes, sir."

"We have McKay, but we need Beckett. What's the situation out there?"

"We have one pocket of resistance left, but we should have it neutralized by the time the doc gets here."

"Good. Send some of your men back to retrieve Beckett. And hurry."

"Yes, sir," Lorne answered and clicked off his radio.

John turned his attention back to Rodney. His naked back was a mass of crisscrossed weals and stripes evidencing that he'd been whipped. His wrists bore the deep bruising of restraints. His face was filthy except for one clean track that ran down his cheek, evidence of a trail of tears that clutched at John's heart.

John wanted to gather him up in his arms, to promise him that he'd be okay, but he didn't dare move Rodney until Beckett had finished his examination. The last thing he wanted to do was exacerbate whatever internal injuries Rodney might be suffering. All he could do was wrap his hand around Rodney's and whisper, "Hold on, buddy. You're safe now."

John was just about ready to yell into his radio demanding to know where the hell Beckett was when Ronon said, "They're here."

John glanced up at the doorway in time to see Beckett stop in horror and gasp, "Oh, Rodney." Then, just as he had the week before, he gathered himself together and hurried forward to attend to his patient. John felt bile rise in his throat when Beckett and his nurse turned Rodney over to load onto the stretcher and John saw the bruising, cuts, and burn marks that covered Rodney's chest. He barely registered Teyla's gasp of horror or Ronon's grunt of surprise.

At last, Beckett signaled for two of the Marines to pick up the stretcher. John followed behind, his mind awash in the guilt and grief he felt. As he left the cold room, he spotted Kolya's crumpled body, and a red haze of rage and hatred filled his mind. Without thinking, he walked up to the body, pulled his sidearm, and fired a bullet into the corpse's forehead. He heard Beckett's gasp of shock, saw Teyla's look of dismay, the Marines' carefully blank expressions, and Ronon's nod of approval. He ignored them all and took his place beside Rodney.

~~~*~~~

It was over two hours before Carson finally came out of the examination room where he'd taken Rodney. He walked up to the waiting group and said unceremoniously, "As bad as he looked when we found him, he has no life-threatening injuries. That bloody bastard took care to cause as much pain as possible without putting Rodney's life in danger. He's been terribly abused, but he should make a full recovery fairly quickly."

John stiffened. "When you say he's been abused..."

Beckett looked at him in confusion for a second, but then his face cleared in understanding and he rapidly shook his head. "Oh, no, no. There's no sign of sexual abuse, thank God."

John almost sagged with relief. At least he didn't have that to add to his guilt for not being there to protect Rodney. He'd failed Rodney, failed to protect him, failed to find him quickly enough to spare him all that pain. But Rodney was alive and safe now, and he would soon recover, physically at least. Whether or not he would ever forgive John was another question.

"Is he awake yet?" Elizabeth asked.

"No, and he won't be for a while. I've given him morphine for the pain which will keep him knocked out until tomorrow. He's also on strong antibiotics to fight off possible infection and a glucose drip to bring up his blood sugar." Carson looked around at the anxious faces and said, "You can all go in and take a peek at him, reassure yourselves that he's all right, but then I want you all to leave. You need rest as much as Rodney does."

Elizabeth nodded and led the way. John fought to keep his expression neutral when he saw Rodney lying so still in the small hospital bed, pale and bruised with multiple bags hanging on a pole beside his bed. The steady beat of the heart monitor, however, was reassuring.

John watched as Elizabeth reached out and gently squeezed Rodney's fingers, careful not to bump against the IV needle, and then she turned and walked away from the bed, her face a careful mask. Teyla patted Rodney's hand as well and left, taking Ronon with her and leaving John alone by his friend's bedside.

John stood there for a few minutes just watching Rodney breathe until he heard Carson come up beside him. "Go on to bed now, Colonel Sheppard," the doctor said gently. "We'll take good care of him."

John nodded and walked away without a word.

As he passed through the infirmary, a soft voice called out, "Colonel?" John turned to see Cadman sitting up in bed looking much better than she had the last time John had seen her.

"Lieutenant, it's good to see you sitting up."

"Thank you, sir," she said with a small smile. "Carson's going to release me tomorrow. How's Rodney?"

"A little banged up, but he'll be fine."

"I'm so sorry I didn't do a better job of protecting him and the rest of my team," Cadman said, looking down and plucking at her sheet. "I should have known, realized that there was something fishy about those energy readings."

"Stop it, Lieutenant," John ordered, not unkindly. "I know Kolya, and there wasn't anything you could have done." He gave her a small, encouraging smile and said, "Just concentrate on getting better now. That's an order."

Cadman returned his smile. "Yes, sir."

~~~*~~~

To John's surprise, he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow that night, and he didn't awaken again until his normal time to get up. The first thing he did upon getting out of bed was grab his radio headset and check on Rodney. After being reassured that Rodney had had a quiet night and was still sleeping, John headed for the bathroom for a quick shower and shave. When he was dressed, he headed directly to the mess hall, his stomach growling embarrassingly loudly. Eating was another thing he hadn't done much of the past week, his stomach too tied in knots to welcome food.

He spotted Ronon and Teyla at a table as soon as he entered the mess hall, and after loading up a tray to capacity he headed over to them and took a seat.

Ronon took a look at the laden tray and glanced at John with amusement in his eyes. "Hungry?"

John nodded and shoved a forkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth. When his mouth was empty he grinned back and said, "Starving," before taking a huge bite of fried potatoes.

Teyla gave him a small smile, took a sip of tea, and asked, "Have you heard how Rodney is doing?"

John cleared his mouth by taking a sip of coffee and nodded. "Yeah, I called the infirmary. He's still sleeping, but they said he's doing okay. I'm going to go see him later today."

"That is good to hear," Teyla said. She set her cup down and then, after hesitating for a moment, asked, "And you, John? How are you doing?"

John stiffened slightly and said, "I'm fine. Why?"

"I am just concerned, after yesterday."

"Teyla," Ronon said warningly.

Teyla's chin went up. "I am merely worried about Colonel Sheppard," she said defensively. "This past week has been very... stressful."

John poked at his suddenly unappetizing eggs and said calmly, "Like I said, I'm fine."

Teyla nodded but didn't look convinced. "If you are sure," she said. "However, if you wish to talk..."

John stood up, the food in his stomach feeling like a lead ball. "Yeah, thanks," he said. "I gotta go. I'm way behind on my reports."

As he walked away from the table and his barely touched breakfast he heard Ronon say, "You should have just let it go." He didn't hear Teyla's answer as he hurried out of the mess hall and toward the transporter. He didn't want to talk about those last minutes in the fortress; he didn't even want to think about them.

He entered the transporter and pressed the control to take him to his office, but apparently his subconscious mind had other ideas because when the doors opened, he found himself looking out into the hallway nearest the infirmary. He half-turned to redirect the transporter, but stepped out into the hall instead. Even though it was less than an hour since he'd called the infirmary, he figured it wouldn't do any harm to check in on Rodney in person.

When he entered the infirmary, he spotted Beckett talking to a nurse. He waited until the conversation was finished, then, striking his usual casual pose, he sauntered up to the physician.

"How's it going, Doc?" he asked.

Carson smiled at him. "I wondered how long it would be before you showed up. Rodney's doing well. I've cut back on the morphine so he should be regaining consciousness soon. I can call you when he wakes up."

"Okay," John said glancing briefly at the bed where Rodney lay. A nurse stood by his bedside writing into his chart. He maybe stared a little too long at the still figure because Carson gently patted his arm.

"I promise he'll be fine, Colonel. How are you doing?"

John cursed to himself at the question. He stepped back out of Carson's reach and smiled a falsely cheerful smile. "Great. So, um, I'd better get to work. I'll see you later."

He had just turned toward the door when he heard the nurse call, "Doctor, he's waking up."


Turning back, he followed Carson over to Rodney's bedside and watched with pounding heart as Rodney's eyes fluttered and then opened. Rodney glanced around with a look of confusion on his face, his eyes finally settling on Carson who stood next to his bed.

"Where..."

"You're safe, Rodney," Carson told him as he handed Rodney's chart back to the nurse. He looked down on his patient with kind eyes. "We brought you back home."

Rodney's eyes slid from Carson to the nurse to John, where his look lingered for a moment, and then back to Carson.

"Who are you?" he asked in a shaky voice.

Continued